So this guy emails me and asks me to write a guest blog for him. I said sure. Then I checked him out. His name is Jeetesh Kathawaroo. Turns out he’s from South Africa. He seemed like an okay guy so I said……”Hey, how about we swap. You write one for me too!” Plus I love the people of South Africa!
So forget about asking Jeeves! Let’s Ask Jeetesh! Below I bring to you a writing from my new friend. (Of course I couldn’t help add a few of my own comments.)
I ran into a neighbour of mine the other day and asked him why he was selling his house. He genuinely looked surprised and asked me how I knew.
Mmm… lucky guess, but the large For Sale sign was a bit of a clue. The same sort of thinking can also be found in our offices and our teams – people scurrying about applying for new jobs, thinking that the rest of us are
blissfully unaware of their intentions. Like the For Sale sign, the clues are staring right at you! Here are my Top Ten Signs That Your Employees Are Looking For New Jobs:
|10.||There’s a rash of doctor’s appointments, car trouble, children finishing school early or any other superficial excuse needed to disguise interviews with potential employers.|
|9.||They seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time at the printer and photocopier. You would too if you need to scan, print and photocopy your identity document, Matric certificate, university degree, CV or résumé, reference letters, most recent payslip and a PowerPoint-generated “An Introduction to PowerPoint 2003” certificate. (Hey Jeetesh, around here we do all that stuff with our smartphones and send things electronically. I can give you some pointers.)|
|8.||They’ll casually test you with questions like “If you had leave owing, would you take the leave or ask to be paid out instead, less the tax deduction… hypothetically speaking of course.” Not very subtle. (Leave owing? Must be a South Africa thing. I encourage you to contact my new bud for interpretation.)|
|7.||They’re blasé about tasks that need to be completed in more than one calendar month’s time. Someone’s a little confident… (Way to go South Africa!!! You can actually get things done in a month. Here in the US of A we’re still organizing the committee one month later.)|
|6.||They take full advantage of the newspapers that the company subscribes to… to thoroughly investigate the jobs section. This job search is usually done after hours, so wait a little, creep up behind your soon-to-be-former-colleague and suddenly exclaim “What you doing?” They’ll turn to the sports section of the paper faster than a surprised graduate pressing ‘Alt’ + ‘Tab’ when caught surfing porn during office hours. (What’s a newspaper? I get all my news from my facebook friend who reposts every CNN breaking news story.)|
|5.||When you ask for a progress update in a meeting, they tell you where they see themselves in five years time. Force of habit, I suppose.|
|4.||They keep dropping hints round the office, saying things like “You’ll miss me when I’m gone”, “It’ll take months to train up my replacement” and “No one else here knows how to put animated kitten borders on Word documents”. What will we do without those animated kitten borders?!|
|3.||Internet usage changes from news, sports, Facebook and LOL Cats, to jobs, interview techniques, LinkedIn and Google Maps, which they’re using to work out their new route to their new job. And of course, porn. What are they going to do, fire you? (Can Google Maps get me from the US to South Africa?)|
|2.||You start getting a large number of calls from recruiters and HR people all wanting to check references. Most employees who ask you to provide references for them often forget to tell you they’re looking for jobs again, thus subverting their plan to keep their new job hunt
under wraps. Answer the questions loudly on your phone and soon everyone in the office will know. Confront the forgetful minion, asking “I’ve been getting a lot of calls from recruitment agencies recently. You aren’t looking for a new job are you?” Relish the subsequent squirming! Here in the US an employer will only verify employment. they’re afraid of being sued. So rather than waste everyone’s time I propose that all countries just use your paystub as that reference. You can also get to the truth about the salary.
|1.||They start dressing better. This is a vain attempt to camouflage when they really have to dress up for an interview. A sure sign is a well dressed employee leaving early for a doctor’s
appointment. Since when do doctors insist on formal attire for a prostrate exam? If you run into a well dressed colleague, ask them how many interviews they still need to attend.
Well that was fun! And thanks to my new friend Jeetesh who when he is not keepinmg an eye on his employees, he’s available as a keynote, conference and after-dinner speaker. You can reach him at email@example.com Or visit him at his web site at www.jeetesh.net